Tears in My Heart

Tears in My HeartI try to deal with issues that can touch all of us at some time or another. Here is one of mine that I’m sure others have dealt with

I dance between self-preservation and helping a loved one. Of course, if that loved one does not want help and the issue encompasses one’s life, self-preservation comes to the fore.

I see the image of a 4-year-old cherub in my mind. My son. I put him on a pedestal so high; I’m sure the distance made him dizzy. He was a gorgeous child in my eyes.

So when I look at my forty-one-year-old son now, the image of that 4-year-old mingles. And therein lays the break in my heart. One is not the other. Two paths—the one I hoped he’d take, and the one he took—two parts of a broken heart.

Have you done such things?

Oh, he works every day, but I fear his goals have blurred. He works to feed his addiction; a beast he’s struggled with before. Reach, reach; I can’t reach him. I fear what may be perceived as abandonment may be my only recourse.

 

As I contemplate my options, I know I want to leave him some. Isn’t that what we do as parents? Worry about our children?  I want to leave him with a roof over his head eventually.

If this can’t change, then I have to. I want peace and lawfulness. Must we go our separate ways? Although my son impresses me with his independence, he is dependent. Will he survive on his own? Am I worrying for nothing?

                            Perhaps others out there have suggestions.

 

 

Copyright 2017 Joyce Bowen


About the Author:  Joyce Bowen is a freelance writer and public speaker.  Inquiries can be made at crwriter@comcast.net

Sobre el autor: Joyce Bowen es un escritorindependiente y orador público. Las consultaspuedenhacerse en crwriter@comcast.net

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3 thoughts on “Tears in My Heart

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  1. I’m sure he’ll be fine Joyce,he may not like you for putting him out but am sure he’ll realise it was for the best.
    They say you do’nt realise how low you’ve sunk till you hit rock bottom so maybe that will give him the impetus to seek help if he needs it.

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    1. Actually–he’s a bit old to turn out fine. Forty-one in just a few weeks. I worked with drug abusers decades ago and I am a behaviorist. I wish him all the best and success, but he will have to institute change he doesn’t currently believe is necessary.

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